just saying !
The behaviours men have inhibited to create the results we see today are not just recent adoptions. Men have been operating this way for hundreds of years - upholding expectations of what the world thinks a man needs to be.
Often reluctant to express anything else for fear of being seen as being weak. Often then policing other men to do the same to ensure the status quo isn’t rocked. History marks the industrial revolution and the following world wars as the cataclysmic shift points from our traditional methods of male rites of passage to what they are today. Men were called to stand and hold these global evolutions, however many have not been able to find their way back.
The results are now young boys constantly being told to toughen up and be a man. That to show emotions is to be weak and to cry is to be even worse — that you’re a lesser man. The world portrays images of how men need to be in today’s world and to be anything other than is a short fall.
Our boy to man initiations comprise of nights we can’t remember at the pub and a senseless pursuit for women like it’s a competition. We learn to see what a beautiful woman is, with a her big boobs, long legs and a willingness to show some skin, and that the appropriate way to treat her is with a sly woof whistle and butt grab.
Just look at the fairy tales and cartoons we see as children, and the movies and TV shows we see as adults (The Bachelor to name one) — all depicting the qualities of what the perfect male or female is. This isn’t just a male issue, this is an issue for both genders on a global scale. We spend a majority of our lives striving to be something that we are not, upholding unrealistic expectations and as a result become so out of touch with what makes us — US.
It is easy to see why the statistics are the way they are when we are a globally disconnected population looking for meaning and validation outside of ourselves.
One of the greatest contributors to this epidemic is the overwhelming belief that We . Are . Not . Enough ! It’s a hugely crippling belief holding countless captive. We’ll do anything to escape the pain of not having this met.
So, we continually seek external gratifications like love and acceptance through the validation of others. We are hopeful that it will fill the seemingly endless deficits in ourselves — all whilst wearing a mask that says to the world that we’ve got our shit sorted out.
IT IS A BLACK HOLE - ENDLESS - UNFULFILLING - CONTINUOUSLY PROVING WE ARE NOT ENOUGH !
To shift these long ingrained and well practiced behaviours requires the courage to look inwards and reassess our beliefs of ourselves and the world around us. To lean in to the fear, relinquishing what no longer serves us and embracing the life we most desire.
There is no end game, no finish line to this work. It’s a journey, a way of life, a continual process of choosing how we want to show up in the world rather than taking a back seat and playing victim to it. It’s not easy, by any means, it takes work, messy . hard . work ! It requires us to be vulnerable, to be real, to be courageous, to be fully engaged. To express exactly how we feel, even in the face of fear. But, the results put us in the driver seat, we become the master navigator. We say ‘I’M NOT GOING TO HIDE ANYMORE’, and we embrace it all.
Stepping out of our cushy hiding places, we stand in the open with our arms stretched wide and we come to the world as a WHOLE human, fully embracing all that makes us — US ! This is where true fulfillment lies.